Kamala Harris
Image Courtesy: Kamala Harris Twitter page

Soukyama (are you doing well)? Naan nalla iruken (I am doing well).  My name is Karthik Subramaniam Iyer, and my paati (grand-mother) was your mother’s neighbor’s close friend’s second cousin.  Her name was Sudha Rajendran Iyer.  My paati and your mother had once shared a valai palam (banana). Did your mother ever mention her name? Anyways, since we are close now, Chitti(mother’s younger sister), just wanted to tell you I am working in an MNC (multi-national company) as programmer. I have completed my B.E from Chennai Institute of Technology, having passed in 1st class (62% marks in computer science)!

Chitti, I am now moving to Hyderabad.  This way, I can move to the USA since Hyderabad is (the) 53rd state of the USA.  My employers are based in Missouri (St Louis).  In order to procure visa, the embassy has asked for close relative’s contact information.  Since you and I are close, can I give them your contact information? Chitti, why is it that when we apply for (a) visa, the US Embassy asks me to furnish proof I will not be settling in the USA?  I thought the whole purpose of coming to the USA was to settle there.  Yet, my friends tell me I should provide proof, like property in Chennai.  If I tell them you are my Chitti, I am hoping that they will allow me to come and settle in the USA.

My sister, Devasena, got married in April to our family’s maaplai (son-in-law).  Who else will she get married to? Joke, Chitti!!  We didn’t send you (an) invitation as we thought you’re an MLA in America.  MLA in India is not someone we want to have in our weddings as they come with a big group of fans and are corrupt!  When our maaplai told us you are going to be Vice President, we decided to invite you to our house. The next time you are in India, please come to our house in Chennai.  We live in Door#151/2, 5th Main in Mylapore!  My mother was searching for a photograph of your mother and my paati, so we can put it in our living room,  but when we moved from Besant Nagar to Mylapore, we left all items that we thought were useless and unnecessary.  Would you have a copy of that photograph? If you can email it to me, I will print it and have it framed.

Chitti, what is the weather like in Missouri?  We only have two types of weather in Chennai, Chitti! Hot and hotter! In winter it is HOT but in summer it is HOTTER! My friends told me to bring thick sweaters since it is freezing cold in St Louis.  Is it colder in Washington DC or St Louis? If it is warmer in Washington, I can have my employers place me there.  When I told my employers about your mother and my grand-mother, they were thrilled.  You will probably be getting some mail from them congratulating you. My employers have asked me to request you to give them more H-1b visas than what they are entitled to currently.  Chitti, this would help my company and India.  Aandavan has blessed you with this position to help India, so please do it.  If India’s economy gets better than (the) USA, we will make you Prime Minister of India.  This way, you will always be with us in Chennai or Delhi.

Chitti, my paati had told my amma to make murukku and ribbon pakoda as your mother used to like it. I know your mother is not with us anymore, but on her behalf, I will give this to you. This way, I can tell amma I have given it to you.  Does Chittappa (my uncle, your husband) like filter coffee?  I will bring 3 kgs of coffee powder from Chennai, which is world-famous, since I heard, from my Tam-Brahm friends, that coffee in America is not as good as Chennai.   I will give Chittappa 1 kg so he can make coffee and enjoy Chennai coffee.

Chitti, please let me know if you need any sweets to distribute to your friends, now that you will become VP.  In Chennai, we distributed sweets in our locality. I will bring 1 kg of Mysore Pak.  Even though it says Mysore Pak, it is originally from Chennai.

Chitti, if there is anything we can send or I can bring, please let me know. Lastly, Chitti, my friends in the USA told me, if I said the following I will definitely get the visa. So,

God Bless The USA

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