Imran Khan

Dear Imran: It’s Co-rruption, and NOT KRUPTION; it’s Measure (pronounced Mezhure) and not Myer!!!!  Now, moving on, the goal of career politicians, and let’s face it that’s what you are, is to get to re-elected; the pinnacle is to be the head honcho, the guy calling the shots.  Well, you are not in your country’s Army, nor are you in the “best” espionage unit the world has ever seen, so we will have to settle for the third best, which is Prime Minister. How does one get re-(s)elected in Pakistan?  Well, let’s look at the competition that you’re going to have to face:

1. Bilawal Bhutto: No competition whatsoever; for cryin’ out loud, the guy sounds like an ambulance mating with a whale!  Even the Einsteins running the army and the “world’s best espionage unit” have enough brains to figure out he’s not senator material, leave alone PM material. He’s got the same single quality that Rahul baba has in India.  The supposed name of his family.  But, some people might actually vote for him rather than you!!

2. Miriam Nawaz: Wow, what your army did, asking the police to enter her hotel room while she was sleeping took stones! Not sure if that was your idea;  infact I am sure it was not your idea given your affinity for the statement  “Hamne, Sabse Pahele, Ghabrana Nahin Hai”.  By the way that phrase has been around since Harry Potter said that after hitting puberty,  but whosoever came up with that move really had it in for the PDM.  While Benazir had worked hard at becoming PM, you’re absolutely right when you said Miriam’s a Naani (Grand-mother), but man, a more gorgeous Naani you can’t find in your country.  I know you must have thought about her but well,  I guess she didn’t fall for the non-existent “looks” you’re so hung up about.

There’s many small-time players that are inconsequential and don’t deserve mentioning.

By the way, you are a very smart Prime Minister. Contrary to what people in the UK used to call you, Im-The-Dim, you’ve shown you have a very active brain.  I’m serious!!! You knew you were in a no-win situation the day you became Prime Minister, so what did you do? Your selection of ministers, in key positions, shows you thought ahead! How else can one explain completely braindead people becoming ministers in a government that you called “Naya Pakistan”?  Let’s take a look at what you’ve got in your ministry, shall we?

1. Shah Mehmood Qureshi: Your foreign minister has no idea what to do! In situations where extreme diplomacy was required, he ensured burning the bridges with formerly friendly countries like Saudi Arabia, The United Arab Emirates and a host of others.  In addition, for a person who’s supposed to have diplomatic skills, he’s completely lost and has none.  That’s probably a choice that was made in consultation with a certain Rahul Baba across the border!!!

2. Shireen Mazari: The human rights minister has mistaken her role as Human Rights Monitor for the ENTIRE WORLD!! It feels like a class monitor, monitoring the whole school!!! She has talked about human rights violations around the world, except in your country. She hasn’t mentioned, even once, the daily transgressions that happen against Hindus, Sikhs and Christians or the fate of Uighurs in China! Yeah, I know, I don’t know anything about Uighurs! She’s also the one that accused French President Macron of being a descendant of Hitler. When the French asked her to take her accusation back, she did so without a murmur.  I heard somewhere that incompetent people usually end up in politics! She just validated that!! Good choice, Immy!

3. Sheikh Rashid:  The Railways Minister is anything but! In a country that has no railways to speak of, his role is purely symbolic! The one train that exists in your country doesn’t warrant a ministry, but you have brought in the right person!  Having nothing to say about the one train he is warranted to manage,  Rashid has pretty much ensured your next blacklisting hearing with the statement that “we have nuclear bombs that will target only Hindus and leave Muslims”.  It definitely looks like you took the cream of the existing crop out there!!

4. Fawad Choudary: Genius selection! Pure genius! The I&B Minister has left no one in doubt about who actually was responsible for the Pulwama attack! He said so in your parliament!! Before you say he was misquoted, remember people have recorded this and are showing this on the web! Pakistanis are doing so!!!

Abdul Hafeez Shaikh: The Finance Minister, who your neighbors, both east and west,  fondly call Pakistan’s Minister of Begging, is nowhere to be seen nor heard.  And why would he? When there’s no money coming in from the countries you used to get alms from, you now have to wonder what Shaikh’s job is. But, every country, even Somalia, has a Finance Minister. Being one step below Somalia, you would necessarily need to have a minister of finance, to be able to one-up Somalia.  By the way, you should keep that ministry since you are better at begging, umm raising funds. People around the world admire the one skill that you possess. A country that gets aid from the west gave you 3 million USD!! How did you manage that?  You must have been waiting to test your new-found skills and it worked! Afghanistan gave you 3 million USD toward your fight against Corona.  The army will ensure they get 50% of that, the rest going to PTI.  It looks like one person in Pakistan has some self-respect and it’s not you!

5. Who is the Minister of Defense? I don’t think even you know you have a minister of defense. That may be a blessing in disguise since your impenetrable country has been penetrated more times than..well, let’s not go there!!!

A tip on bettering your lot:  Calling the Prime Minister of India innovative names and then asking why he doesn’t answer your phone call! Good move!!  He is the PM of a country that ranks 5th in the world, economically while you rank 5th too!  So what if it’s from the bottom just above Djibouti??? Now, if you can call whoever the next President of the USA is, an OLD FART MACHINE, that would show the world what you are!!!

But seriously, I will take a bet with you: The day you lose the elections and the next Selected, sorry PM, comes in, even if it’s Bilawal Bhutto, the PM of India will talk to them and probably wish them well.  The reason, Imran, is you expect people to fall over themselves to placate you and fulfill every whimsical thought in your mind! Hell man, your ex-wives don’t placate you, how do you expect self-respecting people to do so? Till such time that you learn the difference between Ego and Self-Respect, you will continue to wander around looking like the lost PM that you have become.  You will continue to sink to the bottom of the deep end of the pool, with no lifeguard around, while your neighbors, both East and West, will keep rising in the world’s estimation leaving you to wonder what happened! I can guarantee that!!!

जय श्रीराम। जय सीयाराम। उत्तिष्ठ भारत। जय माँ भारती

God Bless the USA.

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