Samaa TV Pakistan
Pic Courtesy: Samaa TV Pakistan

Dear Pakistani Media:

First off, Kirkit (cricket to the rest of the world) is not a Support but a sport; you have the Support of just two countries, not sport of two countries!!!! Also, it’s Sec-ra-tary and NOT Sec-tri!  Now that we have taken care of that, let’s get to the crux of this letter to you! India (Endia to some of you) is a country that needs to be punished for even indulging and humoring you;  after all, you, the Pakistani Media, seem to have connections within the Indian government that gives you information even the Indian Prime Minister is not privy to!! I have also seen conversations between the Indian PM and the POTUS, intimate details about what they talked about and whose opinion counts! When that is the situation, how does anyone in India think that (s)he has more information than those that have been given first-hand information from the “world’s best espionage agency”???

In nearly all your shows, India is referred to as a “badi mandi” (big market)! However, China is a bigger market. The difference, and I am sure you Einsteins have figured out, is China doesn’t want to expose its people to the horrible quality that German and Japanese products have, as opposed to the “qualité incomparable” that Chinese products have! The people would revolt against the inferior quality! I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure out which product is of inferior quality! It’s the Japanese and German products! India has no problem exposing itself to products from other countries, even your country! People there actually use both local and international stuff!

Till I heard Shahid Masud, I didn’t know the details of the conversation that took place between the Indian Foreign Minister and The US Secretary of State! We knew they’d met, but till Masud told us about the details of the conversation, we had no idea!  I didn’t know that Dr S Jaishankar, the Indian Foreign Minister, shared the intimate details of his conversations with Masud, as Masud seems to call the Indian Foreign Minister by his last name, sans his doctorate!  Till I heard “General” (by the way, every single person on your shows seem to either be a Gernail (I assume that’s General) or a Doctor) Amjad Shoaib talk, I had no idea that the RSS had infiltrated into Pakistan’s local politics and was singularly responsible for ALL the unrest within your ever-so-peaceful country!! I am sure the “world’s best espionage agency” knew about the RSS’s involvement but didn’t want to stop them, as they needed this information for the undeniable and faultless evidence you gave, in the form of a dossier, to the United Nations! I have a question! If everyone’s a Gernail, pray tell,  does the “World’s Best Army” actually have any soldiers?

In one of your inimitable shows, you had a young lady, from where else but India’s  Jammu & Kashmir, as a guest.  Your host was, I presume, a psychologist! Why I say this is evident, once you read the summary of what transpired! While the host continually talked about incessant curfews in that state, with thousands of people protesting on the streets and being put into jail, the girl seemed to be giving a different picture; one of the people being excited about the development happening in that state, the colleges, both engineering and medical, being started and the end of a nightmarish situation with the removal of articles 370/35a.  Your host, and he was absolutely right, finally made his diagnosis: the guest was suffering from “Stockholm Syndrome”, he thundered!!!  When the girl asked him where he got this information about Jammu & Kashmir, he said he had sources! When the girl asked him about the political unrest, in Baluchistan, he immediately said that was NOT true and wanted to know where she got this information!! That abnoxious girl had the gall to say, “the same sources that gave you the Jammu & Kashmir story from India”!!!  She was a guest on his show and should have known that women are NOT allowed to talk like that in Pakistan!!

Another doctor, Dr Fiza Khan, seems to really have some neurological issues! How else does one describe seizure-like symptoms and fits of anger that come in at any given time! She regularly has people from India as her guests! While the idea is to bring people from India onto the show and berate them, for some reason she fails to do so, resulting in seizure-like symptoms and uncontrolled anger! She may need counseling as this could get worse if it goes untreated! A dose of Prosac, every few hours, would do wonders to this host!!  To be honest, there’s nothing wrong with her that an expensive operation can’t prolong!!

Another co-host, for some reason he didn’t have a Doctor or a General title, Haroon Rashid, seems to have aircraft that could fly at 15,000 kmph (which is roughly Mach-12)!  While I am sure the rest of the world seems to be unaware of this speed within missiles, nor aircraft, Haroon Rashid definitely knows his aircraft and missiles! He does say that these will be sent to your wonderful country from your all-weather friend, China.

Your Indian counterparts should learn from you, the ways to make incredible reports sound credible; they seem to question the veracity of even those reports that come from the Indian government.  Any of those that do support the government views are quickly dismissed as government toots!  While you seem to think everything caused is because it is “Endia ki saazish hai” (India has conspired), the Indian media seems to think Pakistan is a very friendly country (Barkha Dutt is your biggest supporter; we just recently found out she’s an Indian citizen. For many years, we thought she was from Pakistan) with no evil designs to infiltrate India.  You all figured out the fact that India wants to destabilize you; the Indian government wanted to keep this information away from your hawklike eyes but how does one keep such information away from geniuses like you!

Your (ab)use of some uncommon military jargon tells me that you have been well educated in the art of military command.  Phrases like False Flag Operations (FFO) are indicative of this! They are also indicative of a common sickness among a certain type of people called “Conspiracy Theorists”, like the ones you have on your channels as well as in your government. The good thing is you have repeatedly warned the world about the FFO.  Never mind the possibility of this being another “cryin’ wolf” situation!!  It isn’t! All y’all are too smart for that to ever happen!

All in all, a big fan of yours, as I am sure are the other Endian people! Keep talkin’ and entertaining the bored Indian population! Corona might have them inside, but you’ve given them a picture of what their government thinks about! After all, the Pakistani media is more trustworthy than some person who calls himself the Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi!



जय श्रीराम। जय सीयाराम। उत्तिष्ठ भारत। जय माँ भारती

God Bless the USA.

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